Best Friends

Growing up, I was surrounded by movies and shows that told my I would have one best friend that would stick around and be my go to for everything.

The thought of only have one person that I trusted enough to call a best friend and no one else made me slightly uncomfortable. Who made the rule that you could only have one and only be one persons best friend?

Yes, I did get close to certain people at certain times, but years later, I would still call them my best friend. Why? Because I know without a doubt that if it came down to it, they would have my back. I know that we can meet up after years of not seeing each other and fall back into a comfortable place. And they know I would do exactly the same. At some point in our friendship, we reached a place of complete trust, and that doesn't just go away because our lives aren't syncing up.

However, there is a funny thing that happens with the people you knew in high school. The people you were best friends with then. Well, at least for me.

The people I grew close to made me comfortable being me. We had moments of truth and moments of laughter. We sometimes fought but most times supported each other.

The one thing that remained hidden more often than not were traumas. Our traumas, no matter what they were, often stayed buried within us. We shielded part of ourselves, just hoping to make it through another hormonal, judging day of school.

And then we grow up. We go to college, or we don't. People get thrown back into our lives, and the innocence of what existed before becomes a stable foundation for a place to create a new friendship. I started referring to these people as close friends instead of best friends. They really are all the best.

I find that when I don't fight the universe, it gives me what I need. Most of the time it does it by giving me someone whom I once was close to that now has a new life experience that is similar to mine. We recreate a bond that is built on an already existing trust. The walls start to break down between us, and we rebuild it around us; creating a safe space to exist.

Recently, I had a friend (yes, best friend if you must know) bring up how interesting it was to rekindle a friendship that existed in high school. The way it happened was, once again, universy. Her now husband is actually to thank for that. While this friend and I still talked, there was something reserved, protected in our conversations.

We could talk for hours about the bullshit of everyday, but our own quirks stayed hidden for a sudden fear of loss of what we had. Anyway, so her then brand new boyfriend decided that we were best friends and started a group chat that actually helped us to become more of that than ever. We realized how similar our struggles were, despite the glaringly different pasts. We realized how much we could help each other. We realized how good we were and talking about the most random of things. And soon, we will be making a podcast (find us on social media @thisshthappened). Yeah, that's right. SHAMELESS PLUG.

Anyway, this next one I'm going to talk about is more thanks to my husband. Let me preface this by saying he has a way of choosing humans that he has decided should be adopted by us to take care of, do things with, be there for, etc. It's a quality in him that I absolutely adore, but it definitely makes for some awkward in the moment moments.

So, this friend, whom I daresay just happens to be 32 today (Happy birthday, betch), has been in and out of so many aspects of my (well, our) lives. This friend, whom I strongly disliked when we first met due to her ra-ra standing. This friend, who broke through my own stereotypical judgmental wall by having an iron deficiency. This friend, who jumped her bubbly, seemingly extroverted kind self right into my life and was a big support for my taking the reins to get my now husband.

This is a human who has pretty consistently been there throughout all parts of my life. Though she faded in and out through different relationships and moves, we have always ended up back together. Now, let me just clarify one part of this friendship. In high school, I admit that I looked up to her. She seemed so strong and confident in everything she did. Every decision she made. She just went for it all without looking back. I thought she had her life more sorted than anyone else I knew.

Turns out, she was just as lost as the rest of us. Just as insecure. Just as human. When I hadn't talked to her for a while, my husband would ask what she was doing. If I didn't know, I would ask her. Sometimes, we wouldn't really talk for months, and sometimes trying to reignite something took a lot of work, but somehow it would always fall back into place.

With some people, my husband will ask where they've gone. And I've found that if my initial reaction is to tense up at their name, they've probably play their part in my story already. This human was never one of those. I may have sighed and rolled my eyes, but I was never brought to a place of stress thinking about our friendship.

There was some sort of deep love that always existed. Maybe a part of me knew that the broken pieces of me would need the broken pieces of her to start putting ourselves back together. Or maybe it's just because we have the same name and that makes us brosephs for life.

But, in all honesty, it has been exactly what I would hope a best friend friendship would be. Yes, there is something in having a human that lives close to you that makes it easy access to maintaining a friendship like this, but I'm fucking tired. And being able to invite someone over and just sit quietly or yell at terrible tv shows or talk about stressors of life and just feeling calm... Those are the types of people I want as a best friend. The people who can make me laugh, then drop facts about their past life that makes me want to scoop them up and wish I could have done more to protect them. The types of people who can get so involved in their own life yet still find a moment to reach out to me. The types of people who I have no doubt would do anything for me if I needed it.

Those are the kinds of humans I want as a best friend.

Now, this blog was sparked by the fact that it is indeed one of those best friends birthdays today, and it made my brain start to think.

I thought about making a picture collage. I thought about putting together some video of a bunch of memories. I thought about what type of big sappy Facebook post I could make, but then I realized that the subject was much greater than just a Facebook post. It would live much longer beyond the one day to celebrate one person. That it was actually a celebration of many people in my life, and even though I haven't told their individual stories here, I hope they all know how important to me they are. How much I truly do love each and every one of you.

Though I'm not great with the whole "I love you" thing, know that I do. I just get so lost in expressing it through a phrase. How do I communicate how deeply I care with just one little phrase that I've seen get tossed around without any feeling behind it? Even with my husband, I constantly change up the phrase to make it something that is ours. Something to remind him that he's still my forever.

So, to everyone that has carved out a place in my heart, I care deeply about your well-being.

To the people reading this that may not be my close friend, I guarantee at some point you have triggered a care in my heart.

So, today, while I celebrate a human who has been a crutch in my own time of need, I implore you to go out and celebrate your own humans. Text or call that person you've been thinking of but keep forgetting to take a moment just to let them know. Write a letter to someone far away. Reminisce. Let yourself feel the love for them.

And now, for an obnoxious picture from last weekend. Because I truly do love you.